got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
