Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
