i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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