What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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