i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize