I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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