So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
