so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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