Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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