I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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