Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize