I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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