Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is Oprah even human
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
