dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
