I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
