just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
