I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
