i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize