One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
