I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
