Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
