Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
