I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
