the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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