Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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