i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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