ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
