Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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