I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
