is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
