Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
