I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Randomize
