I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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