I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
