It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
