Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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