...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
