i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize