I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
