I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
