You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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