I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
