Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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