She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
