Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
