he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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