Don't you send me to vm
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
