My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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