Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
