you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
