i love accidental penises.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
