I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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