My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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