What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
