Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
