I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
