i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
