you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How does one acquire holy water?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
