people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You ate ashes out of my bong
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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