If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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