cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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