4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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