I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize