lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
