Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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