Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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