Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Randomize
