She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
