I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
