So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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