your room smells of hookers.
And success
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
