I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize