Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
