Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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