I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
